I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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