I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
