Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
