If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
