fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
