I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
two words: eviction party
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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