I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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