Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
