I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
