I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
