Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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