Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
