Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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