Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
