5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
