This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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