pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
