There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Enjoy the penises
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
