____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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