Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
