i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize