No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
