Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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