and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
