Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
