How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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