he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
