If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
