So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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