Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
