i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize