We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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