I should be sponsored by Trojan
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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