I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
