We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You are the jesus of drinking
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
