Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
