you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize