2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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