so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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