my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
