its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
