I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
