do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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