Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
