She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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