omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
