Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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