Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
