I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
