just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They took my balls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
