I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
