Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
