It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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