Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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