yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize