I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
