dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
