Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
