I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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