The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
