Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
