saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
