Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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