my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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