i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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