So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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