I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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