i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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