shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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