the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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