Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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