dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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