Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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