TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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