and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
