How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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