Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
