I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
