I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there's paper in my vomit.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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