walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
