Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
