everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize