Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
