So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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