My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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