i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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