I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
