Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
