I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize