I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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