When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
