My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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