I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
