sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want to fling myself into the sun
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
