I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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